The Truth Is Without You– I’m Nothing
For the most part things have been good. I’m not sure if I’m happy here because I don’t really get out– which I suppose is mostly my fault, but I am happy with the person I am, the person I’m becoming, and the direction I’m heading. Robby and I had our first actual fight since we’ve been out here and it truly tested the strength of our marriage. It seems we’ve come to understand each other better. He wants me to talk to him, while I want him to stop being so selfish emotionally and try and put himself in my shoes. Things have been good so far and he’s agreed to see a psychologist– so I think all in all we’re both headed in the right direction. It’s funny how you never know just how much someone means to you UNTIL there’s a possibility they’ll no longer be in your life. It’s safe to say that Robby is my heart, my soul, and my strength. I’m not quite sure who or where I’d be without him but I do know I never want to find out.
I’ve met and made an amazing friend, Ang who seems is not at all that different from me. Our stories are oddly similar, yet its also very comforting. I guess it’s just nice to know that there is someone out there who’s experienced what I have. It makes me feel a little less weird, a little less outcasted, and a little more understood. It’s like it all finally makes sense.
After much discussion and contemplation, Robby and I have set a few goals for ourselves in terms of where we want to be in the future. I like that we’re able to plan together and decide what we think is best and how we should proceed with our lives. I have to say I’m more than excited about what the future will hold and I can’t wait until we’ve gotten to where we want to end up.
On a different front, work is going extremely well. I love my job. It’s nice to not have to stress or come up upset and completely exhausted because the company I work for just doesn’t care. It really is a breath of fresh air to actually work for people who are about you as an individual and not just another faceless person in a sea of 20,000+ employees. I have to say I’m very lucky indeed.
On a very sad front, we lost our cat Bandit about 3 weeks ago. I haven’t been able to blog about it because I was devastated. We came to the conclusion that he was seriously ill when we got him and either the previous owners knew about it but didn’t know what it was or they did know what is was and just didn’t want to deal with it– hence putting him in a shelter. The reason we think he was ill before we got him was because of how quickly he went. He started acting strange on a Monday and by Friday he hadn’t seemed to improve so we were going to take him to the vet Saturday. Well when I went to check on him in the afternoon, I bent down to pet him and something just seemed off. I knelt down to get closer and it didn’t look like he was breathing– so I did what was naturally, I picked up him. Well he was completely limp. I froze, set him down, and sat there for about 5-10 minutes in shock. Afterwards I walked into our bedroom and Robby asked me how he was and I just broke down and started crying. It was horribly and something I never, ever want to go through. We ended up burying him in Katie and Aaron’s backyard and at least I know he’s no longer in pain and he’s at peace. I do miss him very much though.
Yesterday was my 22nd birthday. We really didn’t do so much– we spent the majority of the day at home and then we went out to dinner but I still enjoyed it. I’ve never been the type to get overly excited for my birthday or make plans because something always happens to fuck it up. I’ve always been a fan of the low key birthdays. Alright, that’s it for now– I’m going to eat dinner and possibly try and get some sleep. Until next time!
Commenters: Ang, Robin
I’ve told you this already, but I’m so sorry about Bandit. I know how it feels to lose a pet, and it’s devastating. Just remember the bit of time you got to spend with him!
Happy late birthday, again. Enjoy being the same age as me! It’ll go away in about three months. :P
YAYAYAYAYAY about work XD! You’re so lucky to have such a nice job